Saturday, September 20, 2008

Biggest Loser Wannabe

First of all, I LOVE this show! I have watched every episode since the very first season! We are now into Season 6 and I'm still hooked (which is unusual for me with Reality-type shows)! It's the one show I'm faithful to make it home to watch (or tape it if there's any chance I might be even 5 minutes late)! I think I just love to watch lives being transformed. There's something about watching people not only transform on the outside, but also gain confidence and self-respect on the inside...some of them for the first time in their lives!

I also think I live vicariously through if watching the show alone would make me lose weight! ;) Actually, I have many, many times thought about signing up for the show (even printed and filled out the application a couple times)...but there's just a few things that hold me back:

  1. I couldn't be away from David and Christopher that long (especially without talking to them - though that actually might be harder).
  2. There's no way I'd want to get on a scale where the whole world could see what I actually weigh...I don't even like getting on the bathroom scale with just me looking!
  3. I'd never survive a Bob or Jillian workout - I'm too big of a wimp. Even though I know that's exactly what I need (someone urging me along - though I respond better to loving encouragement than the yelling and name calling Bob & Jillian do - especially Jillian!)...and though I might rise to the occasion with a quarter mil on the line...chances are higher that I'd break down and cry like a big fat baby! Which leads me to...
  4. I hate crying in front of people, so crying in front of the world on national TV would be total humiliation for me (maybe not in the moment, but certainly when I saw myself on TV later)!

That said, as I watched the people this past Tuesday night get up on the scale and weigh in for he first time, I realized that I would fit right in there with them. That is certainly not something I'm proud of...and something I can't believe I'm putting up here on the blog. But, God has really been speaking to my heart a lot lately about pride and humbling myself. Our women's Bible study at church (RefresHer) is doing a study on praying God's way...and guess what one of the blockers is to our prayers being heard...yep, PRIDE! In some of my conversations this week...what came up? Yep, PRIDE again! Then tonight in church, our pastor talked about...what else? PRIDE! And we're not talking about a group of lions here, either! It's that nasty stuff that comes before a fall (according to the Bible)!

Now, I never really thought about myself as a prideful person...but then again, I guess no prideful person really does. But, God has really been teaching me some lessons in humility lately. And I need to humbly admit that I need to lose weight. I know that's no big shocker for anyone who knows me...but it's a hard thing for me to admit...and even harder for me to deal with. My weight has always been a touchy subject for me. I have been overweight most of my life. I think the last time I was really thin was when I was 4 years old...and that was an odd year, I guess. I was a big baby (9 pounder), chunky toddler, husky child, overweight teen...well, you get the picture. There was one time in my life where I lost about 80 pounds and actually achieved the weight my driver's license said I weighed (closest I ever came to thin in my adult life)...unfortunately, those pounds quickly found me again and even invited their friends along...and being the nasty guests that they are, those friends moved right on in!

I'm not asking you to be my food police...I've had way too many of those in my life and I know that only leads to resentment and unhealthy habits on my part. What I am asking is that you pray with me about this issue and ask God to heal the parts of me that cause me to overeat and for Him to give me a desire for healthier foods (and less of them)! I have literally tried every diet known to man (including the sour kraut juice diet and even starvation) and I know that's not God's plan...that was ME trying to correct the problem in my own strength...otherwise known as PRIDE! I realize that I can only overcome this by the grace of God and I need your prayer support to get through it! :) Thank you for taking the time to read through my ramblings and for your prayers! That means a lot to me! God bless you!!!! :)

P.S. Amanda, if you're reading this...sorry for all the !!!'s! ;)


Jim said...
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Amanda said...

Thank you for your transparency. God is certainly working in and through you, and I will be praying for you!

Kelly said...

I'm proud of you!!! xoxo

Christine said...

You are such a wonderful writer. Your words bring me comfort and hope as I struggle with weight too. I will offer many prayers for you and I hope we can get together soon, maybe even like old times!!! (weekly "celebrations")...
love you!