Sunday, December 21, 2008
When I walked in the dining/living room and saw Chistopher sitting on his stool, I could tell something heavy was weighing on his mind. When I asked him what was wrong, I was completely caught off-guard by his response. Now, most children ask where babies come from - and when that question comes, I think I'll be ready for it. But Christopher's question on this day pulled at my heart-strings in a way I could never begin to explain. He wanted to know WHY his baby wasn't coming. I tried not to read too much into the statement and asked which baby, each time he pointed at himself and said emphatically, "MY baby!" His eyes pleaded with me to help him understand. When I finally mustered the courage to ask him if he meant the baby that was in my tummy (a year ago), he nodded his head. As my heart broke with his, I wrapped my arms around him and reminded him that baby went to live with Jesus (for those of you who don't know, we had a miscarriage at the end of December last year). He then asked, "Why won't Jesus give my baby back?" As tears filled my eyes, I could only hug him in response.
When I shared this with David later, his eyes filled with tears. Christopher's words today were echoing the very same questions we have been asking God! Christopher wants a little brother or sister so bad. He loves playing with Cobh, the little boy we watch on the weekends. Christopher is so loving and patient with Cobh, and when Cobh is hear - they act just like brothers!
We would also love to have more children. We have been trying again since the miscarriage, since we now know that we can get pregnant. But, for reasons we may never know, God has not yet blessed us in that way again. Due to financial constraints, we aren't ready to adopt again. And we don't think Christopher's quite old enough to understand the fostering process. We went through the classes to be in the foster-to-adopt program a couple years ago, but didn't complete the process. David's mom gave us some very wise advice - she said that Christopher might watch these other children come and go and wonder if one day he'd have to leave, too. It's hard enough on the foster parents to watch the children leave, but I don't want Christopher to ever worry that his place with us is in any jeapordy!
Please pray with us that God will grant the desires of this little boy's heart (as well as the hearts of his Mommy & Daddy) and bless us with a little brother and/or sister for Christopher! We know God CAN do it, we believe He WILL do it, we just don't know WHEN it will happen! I hope that I don't have to wait, as Sarah & Elizabeth in the Bible did, until I'm past the age of child-bearing, but that day is drawing ever closer! However, if that's what God choses to do, then I know He will bless us beyond anything we could ever imagine and that He has a great plan in doing so (just as he did for Sarah & Elizabeth)! :)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
On the other hand, others have asked Christopher the same question and he replies that Santa is bringing him a "Monster Truck" - again, no clue where this is coming from! We've never seen monster trucks, to my knowledge, never played with monster trucks, never even talked about them...and yet, on the days when Christopher thinks he might be on Santa's Nice List, this is what he is convinced Santa is bringing! It's funny what these kids come up with! I just love how his little mind works sometimes! :)
As an update to our lives...David had outpatient surgery this week. Nothing major...just something that needed to be taken care of - so he did while he was able to take time off from work. Needless to say, it hasn't exactly been a fun week around our house. Besides the normal complications of surgery (soreness, pain, & inability to lift anything over 10 pounds), David is allergic to Codeine (the pain drug of choice among most surgeons). We made certain at every turn they knew about his allergy, so the doctor gave him Percocet (sp?) - well, all was fine the day of the surgery, but the next day, David couldn't keep anything on his stomach. Come to find out, Percocet is a derivative of Codeine! Imagine that! So, once we switched to Tylenol and the Percocet got out of his system, things were better! Christopher was so concerned, that he asked his teachers several times, "Will you pray for my Daddy?" How precious it is to see his complete faith in God to make all things better! Whenever something is bothering him, he always asks us to pray about it...and when we do, you can tell it gives him comfort. I think this is what the Bible refers to as Child-like faith! I need to work on that in my own life! :)
By the way, for those of you wondering if you got cut from our annual Christmas letter list, the answer is no! :) The quite honest fact is that I have yet to write it. There are many reasons for this. I could blame it on being busy, which I have been - but that would not be the whole truth. The real reason is that I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. This really bugs me, too! Christmas is my favorite holiday - but this year, I just can't seem to muster up whatever it is I need to feel jolly & merry! I'm usually chomping at the bit to put in my Christmas music - but this year, I was caught off-guard by hearing it on the radio before I even thought to pull out my Christmas CD's. I also usually start writing my Christmas letter in October - at least the first draft - because I just can't wait (and it's usually in the mail sometime around Thanksgiving)! This year, it was mid-December before I even thought about it! And when I did try to write it, the tone was so depressing, I couldn't stand it! Yes, we've had a rough year, probably the hardest year I've ever faced - but that shouldn't completely take away from the joy of the season...or the REASON why we celebrate CHRISTmas in the first place! So, what's wrong with me? I really don't know. I just pray that I find my "Happy Attitude" (which is what I tell Christopher to find when he gets grumpy - and he's SOOO much better at finding his than I am mine!) - and that I find it before Christmas! As for my letter, I've decided to make it a New Years' letter this time around - mainly because one thing I'm counting on is that 2009 will be a MUCH better year for us! :) So, don't worry...as soon as I find my "Happy Attitude" - or can at least fake it enough to write a letter that encourages rather than depresses, my letter will find it's way to your home - as long as I have your mailing address, that is! :)