When I walked in the dining/living room and saw Chistopher sitting on his stool, I could tell something heavy was weighing on his mind. When I asked him what was wrong, I was completely caught off-guard by his response. Now, most children ask where babies come from - and when that question comes, I think I'll be ready for it. But Christopher's question on this day pulled at my heart-strings in a way I could never begin to explain. He wanted to know WHY his baby wasn't coming. I tried not to read too much into the statement and asked which baby, each time he pointed at himself and said emphatically, "MY baby!" His eyes pleaded with me to help him understand. When I finally mustered the courage to ask him if he meant the baby that was in my tummy (a year ago), he nodded his head. As my heart broke with his, I wrapped my arms around him and reminded him that baby went to live with Jesus (for those of you who don't know, we had a miscarriage at the end of December last year). He then asked, "Why won't Jesus give my baby back?" As tears filled my eyes, I could only hug him in response.
When I shared this with David later, his eyes filled with tears. Christopher's words today were echoing the very same questions we have been asking God! Christopher wants a little brother or sister so bad. He loves playing with Cobh, the little boy we watch on the weekends. Christopher is so loving and patient with Cobh, and when Cobh is hear - they act just like brothers!
We would also love to have more children. We have been trying again since the miscarriage, since we now know that we can get pregnant. But, for reasons we may never know, God has not yet blessed us in that way again. Due to financial constraints, we aren't ready to adopt again. And we don't think Christopher's quite old enough to understand the fostering process. We went through the classes to be in the foster-to-adopt program a couple years ago, but didn't complete the process. David's mom gave us some very wise advice - she said that Christopher might watch these other children come and go and wonder if one day he'd have to leave, too. It's hard enough on the foster parents to watch the children leave, but I don't want Christopher to ever worry that his place with us is in any jeapordy!
Please pray with us that God will grant the desires of this little boy's heart (as well as the hearts of his Mommy & Daddy) and bless us with a little brother and/or sister for Christopher! We know God CAN do it, we believe He WILL do it, we just don't know WHEN it will happen! I hope that I don't have to wait, as Sarah & Elizabeth in the Bible did, until I'm past the age of child-bearing, but that day is drawing ever closer! However, if that's what God choses to do, then I know He will bless us beyond anything we could ever imagine and that He has a great plan in doing so (just as he did for Sarah & Elizabeth)! :)
3 comments:
Oh, Kara, how my heart is burdened for you, David and Christopher. There is nothing like the innocent words of a child to sometimes help us put our own thoughts into words. We love you and will CONTINUE to keep this matter in prayer for you all.
I also want to take this opportunity to remind you that from the first day we had Christopher in the ones (!) at church, until now, it is clear that you and David are doing a wonderful job, thanks to the Lord's guidance, of raising Christopher. Praise God for His provision!
Love Jennifer
Thanks Kara...The problem is my heart's dreams seem too far out of reach. When I was told to dream big I really did! lol...maybe a little too big. I don't have any idea what a practical job for me could be except to watch kids.
Anyways, I was just feeling a little down that day and I needed to vent somewhere and I chose my blog. I was able to talk with a good friend Saturday afternoon that helped a lot. She lives in TN and I hadn't talked to her in a long time and it was really good to hear from her. She and I share a lot of similar dreams and problems. lol If I ever need to talk again I'll let you know :).
I'm praying for you, sister, that God will answer your prayers. Thanks so much for your transparency and for sharing!
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