I don't know who said that adoption is the "easy way" to having a baby...but nothing could be further from the truth! I'm pretty sure that whoever said that has never been through the adoption process themselves!!! Granted, I've never experienced a full-term pregnancy, let alone the physical pains of labor, so I really have no basis for what that is like other than what friends have shared with me of their pregnancy experiences & my time spent in the delivery room watching my son being born. So, I won't even begin to try to judge which is "harder" - because from what I've seen and heard, I know they are both hard (some harder than others)...just in different ways. So, for what it's worth, here's my description of the adoption process, along with a little update of where we are in the ride! ;)
Adoption is like a crazy, mixed-up, multi-turn, drop you before you even realize it, turn you upside down and inside out, roller-coaster. You never know where the next turn is going to be...nor if that turn is going to be thrilling or incredibly scary! Sometimes you don't even have an idea when that ride is going to end. Wanna catch a glimpse of what adoption is like? Next time you are at an amusement park, hop on the biggest, scariest roller coaster with the most twists and turns you can find...and just before it takes off, put on a blindfold! You have no real idea where the ride will take you, you have no idea where exactly you are in the ride...but you know when it's over, everything will be OK. :)
Now, if you know me at all...you know a roller coaster is SO NOT my kind of ride! ;) I'll hang out with the kiddos while you ride the scary rides, thank you. I'll be just over there...you know, where the gentler, calmer rides can be found! Looking for me at the fair? I'll be the one holding everyone else's personal belongings while they ride the wild rides. Looking for me at Islands of Adventure in Orlando? You're more likely to find me hanging out in Seussville, rather than riding the Hulk! And yet, here I am. Willingly riding this crazy mixed-up ride and refusing to get off unless they force me! Why? Because the prize at the end is one of the best I can possibly imagine right now...bringing our son's sibling home! :)
So...where are we in the ride, you may be asking? I get that question a lot. It's not usually phrased that way, but I'm sticking with my theme here (and I'm willing to bet after reading this blog, at least one or two of you will start asking me about the adoption process in just that way). ;)
Where we are is in one of those scary, mixed-up, not sure how or when we're gonna get out of it twists and turns. I'm imagining a roller coaster shaped like a tornado, but with twists within the turns...that's what it's feeling like right now. I'm not sure if that type of roller coaster really exists or not...but that's the visual image I have for what I'm feeling right now. ;)
I got a call from Kirk (adoption agency director) this afternoon. He said he wasn't trying to put undue pressure on us...but (don't you just hate it when someone puts a "but" in a sentence like that?)...he would like another $5,000 payment by mid-January, end of the month at the latest. Um...it's January SIXTH...mid January is only a few days away! End of the month is just three weeks away! YIKES!!!!
I find it no small coinky-dink that my little Bible app has me reading Job right now in my year-long plan of trying to read through the Bible! I'm really feeling Job on some of his sentiments expressed in those passages right now! ;) I'm doing a chronological plan of reading through the Bible...so I was a little surprised to see the book of Job show up a couple of days ago in my reading plan. However, after my phone call today, and then sat down with my Bible app to read through the passages, I was comforted in the knowledge that the God of Heaven and Earth...the very One who formed the Universe with His own hands and set the events of time into motion...this same God who made me and allows/encourages me to call Him my Heavenly Father...HE was not at all surprised by this twist and turn of events and HE knew I would need to read those very words on this very day! You see, He was on the design committee for the roller coaster ride I find myself on...in fact, He was the Chief Designer! ;) So, this phone call that sent me into a complete tails spin of emotions and a fit of tears this afternoon was no surprise AT ALL to Him! And when I took a moment to sit alone and tell Him just how I was feeling about all this, I found Him right by my side, holding my hand, and reminding me that He is in control. In fact, He knows exactly how that $5,000 is going to get paid, even though I don't. Scratch that...He already knows how the whole kit and kaboodle is going to get paid! Suddenly, the ride doesn't seem quite as scary anymore.
Do I know where the money is coming from? Not really. Did God suddenly drop $5,000 in my bank account? Nope (and yes, I did check!)! ;) But, I have the calm assurance that He is in control. My world may seem totally and completely OUT of control at the moment...but that's only because I haven't reached the end of the ride yet. And I'M not in control of the ride either (thank goodness for that!)! But, I know the One who knows that not only will the ride end, but it will be OK when it does.
So...until I see that end, I ask for your prayers. I need them each and every day!!! Here's how you can specifically pray:
- Continue to pray for the health of the baby & birth mother
- Continue to pray for the birth mother's salvation
- Pray for God to provide all we need financially to make this adoption happen
- Pray for wisdom as we consider further fundraising efforts to help us get there
- Pray that God will lay it on someone's heart to make a large contribution toward our adoption fund - someone who has the means to do so.
- Pray that the $5,000 we need by (preferably) mid-January will be made available to us
- Pray we will have at least another $5,000 by the end of February (which will put us at the half-way point.
- Pray that the adoption agency will continue to be flexible with us
- Pray for the remaining $15,000 to be provided before the baby is born in June and that there will be nothing to keep us from bringing the baby home from the hospital! :)
Yes, I know that's a tall order. Believe me, I know! As I put each and every one of those requests in writing (particularly the financial aspects), fear starts to wash over me. Whenever I get the phone call from Kirk asking for more money, it breaks my heart. I hate to think that a lack of money is what could keep us from the baby we already love and have already made a part of our family. I wish I had the money to just write the check and be done. But I don't. My sufficiency is not enough. I don't have enough in my bank account. I don't have the ability to make that kind of money in that short of a time frame on my own. There is NO WAY David and I can make this happen in our own strength. And yet, believe it or not, there's a little excitement in knowing that! Because, I also know that God loves to take those who lack the ability in their own strength and do some pretty amazing things in their lives...because HE will get ALL the glory! When this ride is done and we've pulled into the final gate, I'll know (as will you and so many others) that there was no way I could have ridden the ride alone - no way I could do this in my own strength. But because our Heavenly Father rode the ride right along with me, it was possible! He will make a way where there seems to be no way! :)
So...as you ride this ride with me, know that as much as I try to put up a positive front, I'm terrified inside. I may seem calm and collected and in control...but if you could see past my brave front, you'd see I'm a mush of scardy-cat jelly inside! ;) And yet, I've been on enough of God's roller coasters to know that when the ride is over, I'll be so glad I took the chance to get on! So, when I tell you things are coming along...it's not because everything is under control, but because I have faith that God will work out all the details that are scaring the bejeebers out of me! ;) I trust Him and know that any roller coaster ride He puts me on, though scary and completely terrifying during the ride, will be completely 100% safe and according to His plan...and He will be right there in the seat next to me...holding my hand when I'm most afraid and cheering me on when I let go of my fear long enough to enjoy the ride! :)