Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Sky is Falling!

I'm feeling discouraged today - so if you only like reading happy posts, then you should stop reading right now. I usually don't post when I'm feeling like this, but it's the only kind of therapy I can afford...so please excuse me if I seem a little down...I'm just going through a rough spot. When I come out on the other side, I'm sure I'll understand the purpose for all of this - but for now, I just need to release my feelings.

First of all, I'd like to say that I very much love my family, enjoy my AVON business - and know that God is completely in charge and works EVERYTHING together for our good. I'm reminding myself that it doesn't mean everything is going to BE good...just that it will all WORK TOGETHER for our good. ;)

That being said, I'm right smack dab in the middle of a pity party here! While my AVON business is steadily growing, it has not yet replaced my teaching salary & we are suffering financially as a result. I've tried not to talk too much about our financial struggles because 1) no one really wants to hear them, 2) it makes it sound like my AVON business isn't doing well and/or isn't a good way to make money. While #1 is pretty much completely true, #2 is so not! Let's just say, if it wasn't for AVON, we would be in a LOT worse shape financially than we are right now. It is helping to keep us somewhat afloat. We just need it to grow more (and quickly) so that we'll be back where we need to be.

The biggest problem with the financial issues is Christopher's schooling. From the time I moved down here 10 years ago and began teaching at First Baptist Academy (FBA), I dreamed of the day my future child(ren) would attend. When I taught Kindergarten my second year here, I dreamed of the day I'd watch my own child standing up wih his class & reciting the 23rd Psalm at Kinder graduation. But, all that threatens to remain just a dream. Tuition for Kindergarten at FBA is around $8,000 - or about $800/month if we pay monthly. We don't qualify for financial aid of any kind. And unless something miraculous happens to allow him to stay at FBA, then we'll have to move on to Plan B (Homeschooling)...or worse case scenario, Plan C (Public School). I don't mean to sound so negative about public school...in fact, until a year or so ago, it was something we were considering after he graduated from FBA Kindergarten (remember, I was holding true to the dream of his Kindergarten graduation). But, when I got told as a 1st grade teacher last year that it was NOT a discipline issue for a child to use serious profanity (Mother F) in the classroom, I just could not imagine subjecting my child to such lack of values at this tender age! If this word had been used ONCE in a movie, it would qualify the movie for an R rating (even if the rest of the movie was relatively mild) - but apparently it's fine and dandy for it to be used in a 1st grade classroom! WHAT?!? I don't think so - at least not for my child!

I guess what I really need to focus on right now is that 23rd Psalm that I'm so looking forward to Christopher learning:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Just as a shepherd guides the dumb sheep of the field, God is guiding my dumb thoughts. I do not need to worry about how my child will be educated - God loved him long before I ever had the chance to love him! While this may seem like the valley of the shadow of death, it is not. The evil one would have me believe this is the end of my rope - and I must not give in to his persuasive talks that would lead me astray from my Shepherd, Who is bringing me comfort and reassurance even as I type these words. ;) Funny, when I started this, I had planned a rant about how frustrated I am with life right now - and yet, God used it to calm my anxious heart. I just love when He does stuff like that! What an amazing God we serve! :)

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Kara,

If you decide to home school, imagine the possibilities. You'll be saving $8,000 a year! Imagine the amazing opportunities you could give Christopher at home with just $2000 a year. A few fun field trips. You could purchase a curriculum or "classroom materials." I think you should experiment with it this summer. Start by getting him into a very regular schedule (with morning songs, "circle time," prayer, Bible stories, etc., just like you would at school), and you will probably be amazed at how fast he learns when it's just you and him. I know that's how I felt while babysitting the two little ones I had.

And, if you need help in anything, you will be able to afford a tutor. I don't THINK tutors cost $8000 per year! :)

I know lots about kindergarten, and especially reading, and I'm literally almost obsessed with it. So if you need any advice at all, please let me know. In the meantime, I will be praying for you, whatever you guys decide!